this past week , we did not get into a fight .. not even once. i was glad . we got the chance to talk . like actually talk . i was glad. we spent the whole week together, without the interruptions of anyone else. i was glad. i had your attention, 100 % . i was glad . you showed that actions really do speak louder than words. i was glad .

you really did make happy, did you know that ? but here i am thinking to myself that is this only a short-period kinda thing ? as in , will you go back to that person i dislike, or will you remain to smarten up ? i don't know, i really don't. you are so unpredictable that i have no clue what your next move will be. but all i gotta say is that i loved this week. just because you spent it with me and you thought of nothing else or no one else but me... right? the little play fights we had were fun. although we both got physically hurt in the end, we both know that pain is love. lol , that will always be my excuse for everytime i decide to punch you because you said something stupid. regardless of all the times i say i hate you and i wish i you never came into my life, know that what i really mean is i love you so much and im glad its whos looking over me and not someone else. you're showing me that you're not all talk . i want this to continue. i hate it when you're on and off. things like this have to be constant and consecutive . good after good. not bad, and then worst. i love the way things are right now, i hope it stays this way.

Birthday Boy! ^

Mommy and Daddy ^

Erick and I ^

Myself, Erick, and Stephanie ^

Myself, Stephanie and Lauren ^

last night we went to Jalen's first Birthday. i really thought i wasnt gonna go at first since i was so damn tired. it also started at five and khate finished work at like 630-7 . but anyways ... we still went. got there at around 8:30 pm . can you say late ? lol ... but at least we came. we didnt even have time to get jj anything .. but dont worry , i shall give him a late birthday present . food was good . brought enough of it home .. and by i mean enough , i mean enough , lol! . it was pretty fun. thought there was gonna be some tension happening but i thought wrong. alyssa looked really nice. they looked like a real family .. like freal . like a typical filipino-canadian family . lol . but yeahhh ... t'was a great night . left around 10 . we were supposed to go home but ended up chilling at sam's .. lol again . vernz was just there watching tv .. we tried to finish silent hill, but the dvd player fucked up (n) . so we just continued to watch i'll always love you with vernz. so plan was to go home .. but that kinda failed. erick and i fell asleep and bitches didnt want to wake us up , lol . woke up this morning finding that khate and sam went to work . lol . so we were left at sam's with vernz. chilled there for a bit up until we picked up khate and got dropped off home . so here i am now .. at home . where i havent been in awhile. glad to be home though. i missed my dog, lol . but anyways .. im gonna go read up on gossip girl . imma try to finish the book today . easy .

so im finally home! after so long .. i feel so nice being here . its been how long ? 6 days .. without stepping a foot in this house. which is making me contemplate on whether or not i want to go to Jalen's 1st birthday. honestly , i really do want to go .. i wouldnt want to miss out on an event like this. but to add on to that .. i didnt get him anything . i dont want to just show up empty handed .. yknow ? kinda rude . i feel so comfortable here at home .. i kinda dont want to go out . but fuck , i feel so bad if i dont go . ughhhh ... we'll just have to see i guess . but as of now , im glad to be home . i think im going to go read some gossip girl and take nap .

so this past week ive been living at sam's . started off on monday as a normal chillage and soon grew into living here for the whole week, lol . and still .. i am currently at his home . but tomorrow is another day .. another day that i shall finally go home . its been quite a live week tho . filled with unpredictable chillages and events. monday, went shopping at square and went to go to triple a to get khate's hair done. tuesday, sam and vernz came with me all the way to toronto to meet up with cee lo to have my first little photoshoot. also got picked up by erick and them to drive us back to erick's to where i spent the night. wednesday, i was planning on going home .. really, but that was a fail. ended up just chilling at sam's. bought some pizza and groceries and watched enough movies for the night. illegal tender. fuckin gangster movie. loved it. thursday, woke up pretty late. khate suprised us by buying groceries for breakfast and we cooked up some bacon and eggs .. yumm . sam also had his interview and to a big suprise .. he got the job! im so proud of him and so is everyone else in the house . he drove to khate at work and picked us back up to go back to bramalea and khate hooked us up reaal good. thanks!after her work, us four went to eat out at saigon house. tasted exactly like pho. lol . got back home to sam's and just surfed the net and chilled. my current location, still at sam's . with the entertainment of erick , khate, sam, javier, and vernz .

it is currently friday morning and i am still up. tomorrow is friday, but i dont feel like going out. some time at home sounds good. i really got the feeling of how to live on your own this week. suprisingly, its not all that. but i cant lie .. its pretty damn fun. except for the buying and the paying and what not. but for now, getting a job is what i need most at the moment. i dont understand why im loafting. i miss my mother. so tomorrow, i shall go home and see her :) as of now, im getting pretty tired .. sam just invited me to go out for a bogey so i shall have one last one .. for the night.

so started off the day by waking up erick to pick up ryan at the court house at 730 am. went back to sleep up until i received a text message from erick saying hes on his way over. of coarse, that wasnt such a problem for me. sadly he couldnt get ryan out due to governement rules (n) . hope seannelle's good with this. but anyways ... received a call from khate asking to chill . i was pretty tired and didnt want to go at first but im glad i did. sam picked erick and i up with verns and we headed off to triple a to get khate's hair done. when i got there, i found out there was a shooting at cassie campbell. and that all schools within that area were on lockdown for 3 hours. then again, this happened after school hours so there werent too much people on lockdown . but yeah, i was wondering whyi heard so many sirens' .. glad i know now . lol . its so ironic because theres a police station right inside of the community center. but whatever. anyways .. after getting her hair done, we went to square one to go shopping. khate had a whole list on her .. but only managed to buy like 4 things in that list. oh well, at least she got stuff. walked out seeing sam, erick, and verns eatting in the car with pizza, lol . how cute ? but yeah .. went to sam's place. burned, ate more pizza,watched the denver vs. lakers game, played ufc on xbox 360, and watched a bunch of movies. great night. finally got to chill with sam and khate to whom i havent seen for the longest time. great day .

' human bed' , lol ^

uhm, erks .. lol ^

mmmmm ^

Poker (y) ^

BBQ :) ^

Congrats Lawrence and Alvin ^

table 15 ^

kyoot ^

mother dearest ^

so saturday, i went to Lawrence and Alvin's Wedding Reception. yes her name is Lawrence and i am aware that its a guy's name but whatevs. lol . anyways .. it was beautiful . it was held at the Jasmin Banquet Hall in Markham . the food was delicious. it was very entertaining. the dresses were amazing. the whole wedding environment was just something unforgettable. i havent really been to a wedding for awhile so their reception was just .. wow . lol . but anyways ... it was fun. with my parents, tita melissa, tito willie, and tito carlos' family. it was good to be with my family for awhile. it took so long to get there and it was pretty traffic. but regardless , t'was worth it. the wedding reception was amazing.

sunday . ralph was pretty bored so he called me up. he came over , chilled at my house for awhile then went to mcdonalds. we were going to go to starbucks but we got hungry. tried callnig sophia but she wouldnt pick up. coincidentially , she called after we were eattinmg, finding out erick, ero, laurence, and ryan w ere also at her house. so to her house we went. we had a small bbq and poker games. ero tried to learn but that was kind of a fail. i won both of the times we played. yay me :) we all got really full afterwards so we just went to her room and chilled. i borrow gossip girl from her. read the first few pages and t`was very interesting. a book i was highly interested in .. for once . lol , actually no . i like reading. as long as its interesting. but yeah .. soon enough , we all just ended up going home since we alll seemed slugish and tired.

weekend was alright . i was supposed to fix up my roon with my mom today but that was a fail. i really need to get it fixed .. asap ! anyways .. im off this for the night .

NTS :
- make plans with khate trinidad and clarizza isit for the week .
- call up cee lo .
- fix up room asap !!!
- new york with family on june 30 .

so plan today was to go to the beach and have some fun there. since there was an issue with money , that kinda flopped. so jen and i went to scarborough anyways. we chilled at eglinton square for a very short while and made our way to jayar's performance. it was about an hour or so long. it was pretty fun. at first the band was playing a bunch of tunes i was somewhat familiar with. suprisingly saw blake playing the sax. although i could hardly pin-point him out, i believe he was good ? lol . well anyways .. watched jayar do some latin dance, edward act a little, and finally what we came for .. their actuall choreo dance. it was live. the songs they mixed together were great with the moves they used. good job to them (y). chilled outside st.pat's for a bit. the boys ran some ball and soon we made our way back to cess' area. jayar stayed with us for a bit at cess' . as of now, i am currently at cess' home with ryan, seannelle, cess, and jen . we're on the wait for everyone else im guessing ? its only 1:13 am . the nights still young

Group Picture!
LTR: Adam, Edelyn, Ferdie, Joanne, Bebot, Ardie, Zac, Ryan, Leona, Me, Erick, Ronoel, Fritzie, John, Lawrence, Julia, Monica, Brian, Angeli .

The Bar ^

The Cottage ^

Fritzie and I ^

Drunkies ^

Happy 24th Birthday Ronoel!

Lol, Adam's version of the CN Tower ^

Leona shooting a bb gun ^

Lol, Erick :) ^

Angeli, Fritzie, and I . ^

Playing cranium (y) ^

so this weekend was quite entertaining and amusing. i loved every bit of it . i went to the cottage for three days and downtown for Victoria Day with my lovelies. More Specific ? here it goes ..

Friday, didnt do anything really up until later on tonight. my family and i were supposed to go out for dessert at demetres but the line was so damn long. so we just decided to eat at some next place around amc, demetres and shit . i forgot what the restaurant was called though. anyways, met up with erick and we got a drive to his house to where we stayed for an hour or so. soon enough, his sister came home to pick us up. we were in such a rush. by the time we left, it was probably around 12pm already. picked up fritzie first, then joanne and ferdie, then finally ronoel. got some mdonalds then fruitopia spilled all over the car in the back . lol , we've been on the road for less than an hour and already something went wrong. thats okay though, we cleaned it up in no time. but anyways, so we continued our way to the cottage. it was so dark and it was pretty far. about two hours away. well two hours since w sorta got kinda lost. the streets we had to pass by were creepy, dark and farmlandish . but anyways, finally made it to the cottage at around 4:00am . suprising, everyone was still wide awake and playing poker. some already had drinks so we needed to catch up. knocked out around 8 in the morning . slept, and woke up at around 12.

Saturday, woke up from the freezing night we had. got some breakfast and just chilled. i learned how to shoot a bb gun. i must admit, im pretty good with it, lol . we were also supposed to go biking but that kinda didnt pull through. but anyways,it was also Ronoel's 24th Birthday. so angeli decided we should buy him cake. finding one wasnt all that hard. well since we got it from the only convenience store near by. but whatever , it had to do , cake was good though. but yeah , played jenga. never really noticed how live the game was. i guess it matters on who you're playing with. slept for the rest of the day, watched some tv. built a big fire in the backyard, i loved standing near it, was quite warm. it was pretty cold up there, didnt realize how cold it was going to be. the stars was beautiful at night. i saw orions belt (spell check). played cranium (y). it was really fun in the beginning but soon it got pretty boring , lol well onmce we started losing. since it was our last night there, everyone got super drunk. Ronoel was supposed to take 24 shots but since that was so much , we all helped him out. the girls and the guys separated into two groups. girl were playing a drinking game / truth or dare. while the guys were playing poker for slaps. lol , we were extremly loud and hyper but i loved it. the dares were too funny, i'd post up the videos but that would be pretty exposing. but yeah , also watched hunting of conneticut afterwards to where everyone fell asleep. i didnt really get it, i think it was because i was drunk? blame it on the alcohol.

Sunday, woke up at around 12 again. had breakfast and watched the bootlegged version of Wolverine. it was basically a resting day for everyone since we had to go back that day. we all just chilled together within the house. played ps3, jenga, watched movies, fusball (spell check), and slept. at around 7, we all left. we all struggled to take a big group picture but in the end we finally accomplished to take one. but anyways, on our way back , first thing i did was try calling up khate to see if we could still make it or to check up on what they were doing afterwards, sadly, i couldnt get a hold of them so we missed her birthday dinner. Sorry Khate, i'll make it up to you! i just ended up sleeping at erick's since he got tired of driving and we were already in the area.

Monday, woke up jenniferlyn and she called up dawners to reach downtown. plan was to go to cenntennial but we already knew what was really gonna happen. uhm, loaft? yeah, im pretty sure thats what they did. but anways, us three went downtown. ate at leetown. stayed there for the longest time. i was full too , we ate so much . walked around dt and took enough pictures. it was a nice day, up until it started to get dark. it was getting quite chilly and i was wearing a dress. lol . we were going to watch the fireworks dt, but there was so much people getting on the streetcars, so packed . so we decided to head back to ssaugga instead. met up with whoever afters ( im getting tired of typing, lol ), lighted up a few sparklers. some tension also happened, but i saw it coming . i got pretty cheesed last night and let out so much things which wasnt necessary. but anyways, went to dawn's . plan was to sleep early since we had to wake up early, that was a fail. lol ! woke up the next day really early. headed my way to brampton right away since i was so tired.

i loved this weekend. spent it with the people i really wanted to be with. yes, there was tension. it did bother me at the time, but its whatever to me now. i've said what i needed to, i've apologized for my wrong and its really up to him to accept it or no t. if he doesnt, i could really care less, honestly .. shows how much our friendship was really worth to him. ANYWAYS, live weekend. loved it ♥ .

PS: More pictures will be uploaded :)

its currently 10:00 pm, and for some odd reason i feel so tired. whys this? i didnt really do anything today that would make me feel so tired. well lets see, what did i do today? watched the last episode of america's next top model cycle 12. mother came home and went to get pictures developed for my scrapbook. which reminds me, i finished my first one so i need to go out and buy another one. oh yeah, i also applied online. hmm , what else ? nothing really. so why am i so tired? but anyways , this is the first day i havent had a cigarette. like i didnt even have one and im craving like no tomorrow. which isnt good. i promised myself i'd cut down and yeah i am cutting down, gradually .. but i was hoping to stop soon, like real soon. from the looks of it , soon isnt so soon. but anyways , cottage tomorrow and im excited :) at least im doing something productive for the long weekend. i didnt wanna just loaft around, ykno ? but yeah .. im really getting tired so i guess i shall head to bed soon. goodnight :)

okay so this long weekend isnt gonna be so much of a flop after all . i've been invited to go to the cottage for a couple of days with some friends. sounds exciting and cant wait to go . sadly, im going to miss khate's birthday dinner but i cant miss out on going to the cottage. i shall make it up to her though. and i already know how. i got her a card and her present already, and i was hoping to give it to her before i leave to go to the cottage, which is tomorrow evening. we come back on sunday night so there's still monday left to spend it with the other lovers . wonder what we're going to do on the monday . hopefully wonderland or the beach . not too sure about wonderland because that's a lot of spending, and i'm already spending enough on cottage this weekend. so the beach looks like a good option, if the weather co-operates. or even just chillin downtown. anything with them would be quite live. but anyways, cottage tomorrow :)

NTS: start planning your fuckin birthday already !

so the bad part. did i mention vancouver yet? i really do want to go , but sadly i cant :( . you see, my aunt lives in a small condo that can fit only so much people and she owns a car that can fit four more other passengers. if my mom and i were to go, there's also my uncle, my aunt, and my cousin. which leaves one person out. since vancouver is a pretty big city, we'll be needing transportation to get from point a to point b to point c. we thought of renting a van for the weekend, but her driveway cant fit a van. thats pretty wierd. what kind of housing do they habve down there ? well anyways .. so my aunt called and said since thers only room for one more person in both the place we'll be staying at and the method of getting around, she asked who wanted to come. choices were either me or my mom. my mom didnt want to go without me, and of coarse i wouldnt want to go with my mom. so neither of us are going. im pretty down about it, i was actually looking forward to it. so my mom asked me where i wanted to go for the long weekend, i suggested NY of coarse. but my dad wouldnt be able to drive since he has work and it would be pretty tiring, plane fare is goinmg to be wayy too expensive, especially for two days, and coach bus ? uhmm .. yeah , no . so i guess that can be scratched out. she suggested she just takes me out on a shopping spree around here, not a bad idea. there's something i can look forward too, but i was hoping to get away from here, somewhere far . to go sight seeing and shopping, ykno. well , long weekend is two days away . we'll probably think of a place to go by then.

So my mother asked me today if i wanted to go to Vancouver for the weekend. i didnt give her a straight up answer yet cause im not too sure if i really want too. i'll be leaving on friday and coming back monday morning . thats like my whole long weekend. doesn't really make a big difference to me since everyday is like a weekend for em already. but am i gonna miss out on a lot for the weekend ? hmm , well there were plans of bowling, the beach and wonderland. but from checking the weather channel , its not gonna be that warm and it might rain a bit . so i wont be missing out on too much ? well , i hope i dont. which brings me to a conclusion of yes, i am going to Vancouver for the long weekend. i think . lol, not sure yet but maybe , maybe not .. we'll see .

Sunday. well yesterday was mother's day but sadly , my mom decided to go to work on this day. so with nothing to do at home, i decided to go to Ronoel's 24th birthday party with erick and his siblings. i'd be lying if i said it wasn't live. lol . there was a lot of food, people, drinking, and blazing. word. i haven't gotten drunk in so long and i was glad i got smashed yesterday. played the drinking game with the ladies . t'was quite amusing . lmfao , thought i wouldnt get drunk since i was winning but in the end .. i still got pretty damn smashed. met a few new people too. i was contemplating on going but im glad i did. anyways, erick drove me home afterwards and apparently i was talking a lot. i hope i didnt say anything to him i would regret. Monday. well , erick came over really early this morning , and i was still tired so we slept up until my dentist appointment. fml, it hurts like a bitch. i hate my orthodontist , shes so rough on me. but yeah , got home and decided to watch Awake. live movie. but erick was so damn tired since he hasnt been getting any sleep so he slept through the whole thing. he woke up and it was dinner time so i brought him down some food. decided to watch Obssessed. that was honestly such a live movie , freal. and again, erick also fell asleep through it. but whatever. by the time he woke up it was almost 10. i told him to go home since he was so tired and it was getting late. so home he went. which brings me here, to write on my blog. although he was sleeping for the whole day, for the time being he was awake, we were actually getting along. its times like this when my second thoughts disappear. at times like this, i just love being with hime because he makes me so damn happy, yet at times he gets me so damn mad . but i guess you have to cope with the bad to get to the good. we are currently in good terms right now. i hope it remains this way.

NTS: remember, Jamz' birthday jam - June 5th.

so last night there was a little family get together at my house for my father's belated birthday and for mother's day. im glad i stayed home for it. there were so many family functions that i've missed because i've always been out with my friends and i regret those times. i missed my family. after missing out on so much , i took the time last night to really appreciate just spending the time with them. my god sisters are amazing. they'll take the smallest thing and make it into something great from being bored. they've grown so much since i last saw them. there has been a lot of tensions within my family lately and last night was the first time i saw everyone just smiling and having fun. laughing things off with them was one of the greatest feelings i ever had. sounds corny, but its true. but anyways , later on at night , jen called. we had the longest phone conversation about everything and anything. on the phone for more than hour up until my phone died (n) . but yeah .. i found out so many things and so did she, also planned the upcoming summer. we've come to a conclusion that DAWN BUENSUCESO needs to get her license . lol , it would be pretty useless if any of us got it since we don't have a car .. but dawn ;) i hope you're reading this >=) . we shall motivate and encourage you to get it (y) :) . but anyways , today is mother's day and my mom is at work . how fun (n) . for all those mother's out there , Happy Mother's Day .

from your current actions towards myself and others, it seems as if you're changing. depending on who's perspective it is, it may be good or bad, but from mine .. you're not getting any better. i gave it another shot with you because i believed in your word. you said that old you is gone and that you've change, for the better, yet why is it that i haven't seen this new you. word to verbs, actions get much more respect. as of this moment, my respect for you is highly low. you say things but your actions don't live up to it. i don't understand why you must act this way. was it because i've done something for you to do the things you do. if so, what the fuck did i do? communication is what helps a relationship work. we don't have that. you tell me to tell you things i don't want you to do for me to be happy. i tell you. you don't listen. you hear me, but you're not listening. two different things. so how am i supposed to get through to you? what way will make you realize that what you're doing isn't right. according to my observations, you are easily influenced. you act a certain way just because someone else does. i've called you this so many times before and let me say it again, you are a follower. every negative entry i wrote about you, you thought of it as humiliating you. thats not my intention. im not trying to make you look bad. im just simply speaking my mind and reacting to your actions. what more can i do but to write because you won't listen. whatever i do won't get through to you. you spend more time with your friends than me. learn to balance. there's so much time in the world for everyone and everything and none of that time is going towards me. i've known you for more than two years, and in that period of time, i can honestly say that you're not you anymore. you're not that person who i was strongly attracted to. you complain about having things my way all the time. at least my way includes balance and being fair to each other. your way is filled with selfishness and self thoughts. in your eyes, it may seem as if we're currently in good terms, but no. we have so many problems that need to get fixed. im not putting all the blame on you. i know that you're not the only one who do wrong things. i know that some of my actions arent that smart as well, but its your actions that lead me to do so. there's nothing really left to be said but you need to smarten up. change is mandatory.

birthday boy ^

'Smokin weed and bamboo, sippin' on private stock. Way back when i had the red and black lumberjack, with a hat to match.'

jenniferlyn, so blem ^

danwersss ;) ^

baza , we're matching! ^

cuute, bonding. ^

i love him ^

so yesterday, we had a small get together with just a few of us at Jen's for Ryan's 22nd birthday. i bought cake mix and icing and we just decided to bake it there, while andrew cooked his famous chicken that tastes so damn good, which i only got like one bite out of -_- . but anyways, didnt do much really .. just burned and chilled. we had so much quiet moments .. they were quite amusing actually. ryan came out of nowhere and surprised us and omg , you shouldve seen ralph's reaction .. toooo fuckin funny . erick and justin seemed to be bonding at the time. lol , they were so close and took a lot of pictures together, kyoot . afterwards, we headed our way to andrew's to where a few of us slept. ryan and drew left for awhile and came back with pho! yummmm . thanks guyyysss :) then jed came overrr ! i havent seen him sinceeee .. saturday ? lol , h'es quite a character. so much things we couldve talked about but i was so damn tired. i was burning out so damn bad. pretty bad during the night .. i was having some second thoughts about the whole erick and i situation , blah . i guess i was just not in the mood ? but whatevs, speaking of now, we are currently in good terms and i hope for it to stay that way. i plan to ease off since thats what he wants and i think thats whaty i want as well .. or do it ? lol . but yeah , just got home from last night . today, i think dinner with my family sounds good. i havent really gotten anytime with my family. its been always about the friends lately. maybe i should step off for awhle and settle down with the fam. i know they miss me.

NTS: things are good with you right now, keep doing you to remain this way.

from what im seeing, it seems as if so much couples are in such bad terms right now. im glad to know that at least, i'm not the only one going through this. honestly, when a girl complains about you not calling anymore, it would be pretty useful and less dramatic if you actually would call once in awhile. like im pretty sure i speak for many girls out there who say that we dont expect you to call constantly, but having you call to check up here and there wouldnt care to hurt. actually, for me at least, it makes me feel very secure and safe just knowing theres some guy out there who actually cares enough for you check up now and just to see if youre okay. you're asking for space yet you're not? you are not making sense. i dont know what you're asking for. are you asking me to give you time on your own and just step off? so does that mean no contact ? when i ask you, can you clarify it for me rather than us screaming and cussing at each other all the time. when you say ease off, what the fuck is that supposed to mean? honestly.. dont i give you enough time for yourself and your friends. its rare that i call and its rare to see us alone together anymore. why ? because it seems as if you'd rather spend your time with your friends our elsewhere doing whatever you like. dont get me wrong, you can do those things, but im finding it that its more often than it should be. where do i fit in your schedule? why is it that not one day am i a part of your daily doings. when was the last time you actually called me because you wanted to, not because i asked you to .. but because you did it on your behalf. i cant even remember. its situations like this that lead me to have second thoughts. i know that i dont deserve to be treated the way you treat me. yes i know you do me good .. i do notice that, dont think that its only the bad that i point out, but i feel as if the bad is overpowering the good, since the bad is whats constantly happening between us. i used to believe that in a relationship, the first 6 months are about getting to know each other and just having fun, once youve passed those months its all about the cussing and the fussing, afterwards its all smooth sailing from there. but from what im experiencing, we're in for a very bumpy ride. theres no sign of smooth sailing in this relationship. its quite wierd because you keep bringing up the title. last time i checked , a title wasnt such a big deal. you keep bringing up the fact that we're not officially together. does it make any difference whether or not we have the title? should we be treating each other differently because we're not legitamently together? if so , then let me be the first to say .. what the fuck is wrong with you?! ugh , i feel so frustrated and confused at the moment. maybe i should take your advice and just ease off.

mkay so i havent written what ive been recently doing on this so i shall start again with the last time i went out. mkay, so two days ago, erick, andrew, seannelle and ryan were over. for the day we ended up just chillin , not really doing anything productive. ralph also came by. my mother and i got into a little argument so leaving my house asap was the number one option. we ended up going to the plaza and chilling there for awhile up until stepsz and arvin arrived. haven't actually chilled with those two in the longest time so i was happy they actually came down. chilled at mcdonalds for awhile because we were waiting for ralph. afterwards, we headed off to grab. afterwards, we went to erick's area and burned. omfg , that was some good shit cause word .. we were all ripped out of our minds. i was trippin out like no tomorrow . chilled at the park and took a few pictures . i stayed in the caar most of the time because it was getting cold. not too long after did arvin and stepsz leave since he had to be home at a certain time. but whatevs, i was just glad to see them and to actually chill with them. stepsz and i caught up on the time period we havent seen each other. gosh, i miss that girl . but anyways ... plan was to sleep at erick's, some next shit happened there so i decided to bring seannelle home with me. anyways , thats what happened since i was last out . yesterday on the other hand, seannelle and i just stayed home. burned in the morning since there was still some left over, ate and slept for the rest of the day. when i woke up , i watched the notebook. live movie, i cry everytime i watch it. erick was supposed to come over today but he got kinda lazy and decided to stay in ssaugga , im just like ok whatevs .. he needs to make it up to me though, hopefully tomorrow .

k so he's changing. not in a good way either .. it seems that he's turning back into his old self, which is the reason why we couldn't get along in the first place. why must he act this way? is it because he has me now and thinks i will remain attached to him regardless of what happens? no. i assure you that old me is dead and gone away. i promised myself to stay away from attachment, due to obvious reasons. recently, i find him acting very stupid and selfish. he has no reason to act this way, i didnt do anything that would lead him to acting this way. so someone tell me, what the fuck is wrong with him. hmmm , thinking about it, a relationship doesn't revolve around one person, it involves two people. so if he fails, i fail with him. so does that mean i failed too ? no . we're not in a relationship .. according to him, we're only in an 'open relationship' .. according to him, we're not really together so i have no right to tell what he can and can't do. so in the end, what am i really getting out of all of this ? well , from what it seems, im not getting a boyfriend or anything good. so why must i put up with all his bullshit, once again? because i love him. and putting up with his nonesense is worth all the wrong he's doing towards me. bullshit! no girl should put up with a guy whos doing them wrong just because they love them. a reason to love someone is because both show affection towards each other, both show trust and loyalty, and fights shouldn't be constant. so basically, am i just trying to clarify that i dont really love him and its all just a front ? no , i really do .. im talking facts yet nonesense right now. im so confused. i hate all this fighting we're doing, and all for the wrong reasons too. i don't understand why he has to treat me this way. dont get me wrong, he does so much good to me, which is why im sticking around, yet why must the bad always come out. i hate it. well i guess i should just get used to it .. * sigh*, another day, another night, another reason to fight.

so today it was my dad's birthday. not too sure how old he is now, i lost count. well , to what i thought would have been ackward , wasnt so much. but anyways , we went to saigon house down near oceans on queen and west dr. my mother invited my uncle's family and they came along too. it was pretty fun. i havent seen them for the longest time. like honestly, i havent been going to any family functions, but im glad i went to this one. anyways, i bought my dad a hoodie from bluenotes and a card. i shouldve gave it to him myself, but my mom did since we have issues. suprisingly, he actually went up to me and said happy birthday, which is so unlike of him to do. i responded with a 'youre welcome'. that was the first time we talked since last summer. freal, like the only thing we said to each other for the longest time. we also went to church today. i havent gone there in awhile either. nonetheless, i also spoke with khate . to whom i talk to for a bit, then drift, then a bit, then drift again. but yeah, we talked last night, today , and most likely tomorrow since she's going to kathleen's as well. wow, that's the longest we've talked since we stopped talking. glad we did. also saw cathy. she got her braces off, she looks good. cant wait till mine come off ,i fuckin hate them. but anyways, its seems as if ive accomplished so much today. tomorrow is another day. hopefully a good one too.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!